By Pat Vegas, Candy Correspondent
The end of October means two things: the NBA is back, and Halloween is right around the corner. I thought what better way to celebrate this time of year than combine the two, by comparing some of basketballs greats (or not so greats) to their respective type of candy. Check out my comparisons below….
The Lopez Brothers- Twix
Admittedly this ones a little shallow; the Lopez brothers are twins and Twix come in packs of 2. Overall, they’re pretty solid but nothing spectacular. Also #TeamRightTwix don’t @ me.
Steph Curry – Baby Bottle Pop
Let me start by saying I wanted to go in a different direction for this but sadly couldn’t think of a foot themed candy. As a result I went with the tried-but-true Steph is a big cry baby schtick. As an added bonus, his oral fixation for his mouth guard makes the baby bottle pop the perfect candy for this man child. Just try not to throw this one at the ref, ok Steph?
Kevin Love- Hersey’s with Almonds
For those of you that are thinking “Shouldnt Kevin Love be white chocolate?”- first off, white chocolate is kind of gross IMO, and second off that’s racist.
K Love’s silky smooth passes go perfectly with the delicious milk chocolately taste of the Hershey’s bar. The added crunch of the almonds takes a normal (somewhat boring) candy bar to borderline elite levels.
Joakim Noah – A Fucking Apple
Ever since I first saw this man play OSU in the 2007 National Championship (yes, believe it or not OSU men’s basketball actually used to be good), I have hated him. He is arrogant and whenever he talks out of his ugly face, my blood pressure goes up. Add on his disparaging remarks about how he hates playing in Cleveland because the city sucks, and you have earned Apple status bud.
Carmello Anthony – Caramello
Ive never had a Caramello bar but they sound pretty good. I don’t really have a good reason why this fits Carmello other than the names are the exact same. Whatever.
New York Knicks – Generic Butterscotch Candies
They suck, plain and simple.
Lebron James – KING Sized Snickers
Lebron is the GOAT of candy bars- Snickers. And obviously it’s got to be the KING sized version. Snickers having a little bit of everything equates to Lebrons ability to be dominate in almost every facet of the game. He is a full-sized candy bar living in a fun-sized world.
Gordon Hayward – Fast Break
… too soon?
Let me know what you think by dropping a comment below, and tell me if you think of any other ones!