By Shawn Shawn, Big Ol’ Baby
My pride took a pretty serious hit tonight, so hard in fact I felt the need to blog about it. As some of you may know I made a bet last week that if the Browns lost to the shitty colts I would chug a six pack in under two minutes, I didn’t realize this was physically impossible for any human. I gave a valiant effort, I got through 24 ounces of beer before throwing in the towel, a lesser man would have quit much earlier. I won’t use the scientific evidence that this feat is impossivle as an excuse, however, I made a bet and I didn’t follow through with it. I’m hurt and embarrassed, I don’t want my son to grow up thinking his dad isn’t a man that follows through on his bets.
I’m not an excuse guy but if I was I would bring up the fact that I had dinner earlier in the night, I’m almost positivize that played a role in me not being able to finish the challenge. Also the beer was really cold, have you ever chugged super cold beer? It’s hard to do because of how cold it is. The beer I was chugging was very, very cold. It’s also Monday night, I enjoy a good beer every now and then but chugging 6 beers in your kitchen on a Monday night while your two year old watches Mickey and the Roadster Racers isn’t exactly the setting you’re hoping for. I treated this like a job, if beer drinking is your job good for you but also what do you do for a living?
Once again I won’t make excuses about the lighting or the fact that my camera woman was mocking me. I know my wife loves me but she didn’t exactly cheer me on tonight. Not a single “chug, chug, chug!!” coming from her or Emmett. Try drinking 6 beers in almost absolute silence. Just hearing your stupid face swallow all the sin water. Its not the ideal situation. But again, I’m not one for excuses and I’ll take this loss like a man. If anyone is watching that video of me only drinking one beer and thinking “man I could out drink this pussy” I would challenge you to an all day sit, talk, and drink off, I’m built for comfort not for speed and if you come at the king you best not miss. I can sit down and drink literally all day. I’m finding out its one of the few things I’m good at, so don’t take my poor chugging ability as a sign of weakness. Also lots of variables were involved tonight and if I was an excuse guy I would bring them up, but I won’t, I’ll take this L like a man. A man that can’t really chug beers that well.
Check out the pathetic video for yourself below: